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i like a guy but he's my ex's friend

hi okay. so um wow. uh i dated this dude last year and he was really into me. ( BUT i liked his friend for a while the year before) And i don’t think i was quite ready for a relationship. but i felt soooo bad for him so i said yes. here’s that aprt where i sound so horrible. he would always ask me to like go out and hang out. but i have strict parents and i don’t think they would allow me to hangout with my boyfriend or even a guy. after like 2 or 3 months we had a fight cause he thought that i wasn’t that invested into the relationship as he was. GOD WHY AM I SO MEAN. all the time while i was dating my bf i liked his friend. why am i like this. i wanna cry. but in present time, i still like my ex’s friend. gosh im a horrible and malicous person.

so i just wanted advice on what i should do and i really needed to get that out because i haven’t told anyone

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