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Unclear first kiss

A guy whose been more than a friend to me kissed me last week Thursday and I’m confused. A few months ago he revealed to me that he likes me and wants us to go on a journey together and date. I said no simply because he wants to leave the country but I actually really like him and realized that I’ve been blocking my blessings. I realized whatever happens happens and I want to take the risk. He’s been devastated and he told me that he’s actually been depressed these past few months and he really likes me a lot. I revealed to him that I’m confused about where we are now because we like each other but we don’t know what to do. He then made me lay on his chest and kissed me probably a million times on my lips and cheek. We haven’t talked about “us” since then and I’m scared perhaps he took my first kiss because he feels like I wasted his time for the past few months and him taking me first sort of makes all that time he wasted “worth it” because he’s been wanting and waiting to do it forever even if it’s at my expense. Why didn’t he sit and talk to me since we’re both confused? Why did he just kiss me and say nothing else?? Pls help!

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